I Don’t Go on Facebook

It's crazy, I know. Do I think I'm too cool? Or the opposite: Am I a total loser? Is it really that distracting? Is it really that necessary?

Too few experience the giant relief of deactivating your Facebook account. It's like shedding 30 pounds, moving out of Mom and Dad's, being let off a leash. I have friends who told me they wish they could do the same. Despite the appeal, they're afraid they won't get invited to parties anymore. They're scared to lose contact. "Who could I be if the entire digital universe couldn't see me getting plastered on a Thursday night?"

You could be someone — anyone. Facebook is not the be-all and end-all of your identity. Granted, it's difficult to relinquish the power of vanity. It's fun broadcasting your life to the world. As soon as I said bye-bye to good ol' FB, I created a Tumblr account. Someone needed to know I existed.

But a month and six posts later, Tumblr wasn't that exciting anymore. Keeping up with a digital existence is nearly twice as hard as keeping up with a physical one. Having a Tumblr is like living your life and then taking an hour to relive it through vigorous typing. One word: Unnecessary.

Just like status updates, tagging photos and Farmville. Just like the "like" button. Just like fan pages and group invites. According to Facebook's statistics, people spend more than 700 billion minutes per month on their accounts. That is a ridiculous amount of time for stalking.

The other day my Mom asked me if people could see if she ignored friend requests. I told her that luckily, they cannot. "Good," she replied. My mom is a pretty tame 50-year-old housewife, whose friend request could she possibly be ignoring? That's when I realized that Facebook is not just a generational pandemic, a constant worry reserved for high school and college kids, it's a plague itself.