Shark Night 3D | D

Oh, how original — a group of Louisiana college students decide to go to a remote summer house with no cellphone access for a night of drinking and partying. Of course, the fun doesn't last; they quickly realize they are not alone since the waters are polluted with deadly sharks that naturally annihilate these helpless youths one by one.

Shark Night 3D has two definite protagonists in Sara (Sara Paxton, The Last House on the Left) and pre-med student Nick (Dustin Milligan, Slither), who take a little trip to Sarah's secluded beach house for a weekend of booze, sex, and deep philosophical discussion (just kidding about the last part). Before arriving at the house the gang has a run-in with some very shady rednecks, Dennis (Chris Carmack, Just My Luck) and Red (Joshua Leonard, The Shaggy Dog). The men harass the group, and it is revealed that Sara has some history with Dennis; thus planting the seeds of drama. At the summer house, the friends engross themselves in water-related activities, drinking and nauseatingly cheesy dialogue. But it is not all fun in the sun as the waters are crawling with bloodthirsty sharks, and the protagonists must fight to defend their perfectly sculpted bodies from these beasts.

There are many films out there that are so bad or unintentionally funny that they just happen to be pretty good in a novel sort of way (i.e. Troll 2, The Room). Shark Night 3D is not one of those films. This predictable picture is riddled with poor acting, un-engaging plot lines and worst of all, a complete lack of a scare factor. Of course, no one would assume this movie could stand neck-to-neck with the heart-beating tension of Jaws, but maybe it might possess some of the qualities of similar nature survival films like Anaconda or Predator — nope. Shark Night 3D commits the cardinal sin of not properly scaring its audiences. Let's be real, the greatest potential pull factor of this film is seeing razor-toothed beasts terrifying the hell out of you and mutilating people to a bloody mess in glorious 3D. Unfortunately, this flick doesn't even have the decency to do that, as the death scenes are nowhere near as gory as to what we have become used to seeing in movies nowadays, and you can predict a "frightening" scene coming from miles away. Ghastly acting, dumb dialogue, tasteless sexual tension and the infusions of detached backstories and subplots definitely do not aid in keeping this film afloat.

Shark Night 3D will be a grueling 90 minutes in the movie theatre unless you are attempting to conquer your fear of sharks via forced visualization or are infatuated with sharks enough to pay $13 to listen to some rednecks recite facts about them for three minutes of the film.